STILL dealing with it
.. that night i've decided to make the sacrifice: ask for us not to talk. if it was the only solution we have, if it would make things better, if it would give us peace. as much as it would be hard for me, i knew that soon it would be me who's gonna cry anyways, so why not make it sooner, right?

i was ready to give up. but i got the feeling that i was not permitted to. yes, it would have to be the both of us to deal with this fcking issue. no, i don't wanna sound like it's a one sided issue; i just thought that the decision was better for the both of us. consequences will affect us both, but i am being selfish here, so the heartache's all mine. ALL MINE. i've got reasons, all are well accepted.. by me of course.

funny.. coz now i'm just dealing with being afraid: afraid to make the next move. had i known this would happen, i would have laughed so hard that i'd cry. i would have cherished that, and appreciate the fact that i can laugh about it, coz i can't do it now.

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smiles and tears... just for you.